Since becoming a Mum I have discovered there is a family totem pole, and those effected by it's rankings are not just the selfless, do-gooders of the world. I think every Mum suffers from it's ranking powers whether we chose to or not.
Now when I was first pregnant hubby said that he was worried if we had a baby I wouldn't have enough time or love left for him. What every parent tells you is that you just get more love, so there's always plenty to go around to hubby and every extra child that comes into your growing family. What they don't tell you is that there is a totem pole that each addition adds to.
You've probably been on this pole your whole life, but as more and more people get added to it, your rank becomes more and more obvious. For me, and for a lot of my friends who are Mum's this is how the ranking goes, top to bottom......
Kids
Hubby
Parents
Brothers and sisters
Friends
Housework
Me
Now the folks above me can jump up and down the pole depending on circumstances but the one constant is me, right at the bottom. I'm a Mum, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a housewife and somewhere in between, I think, I'm me. Problem is when you're on the bottom, the weight of everyone and everything else can sometimes squash you down making you smaller and smaller.
I would never not want to be the other things, all I wish is that I could strengthen my position on the pole just a little. Fortify my hold . . . . . on me.
If you have a hubby, you are also a daughter-in-law, yet another position on the totem pole. I found that change will not come unless you instigate it yourself. So, start nudging!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, any thoughts out there on how to function differently to this dreaded totem pole?
ReplyDeleteLinda :>
The only solution I've found is a night out with the girls, with lots of wine!
ReplyDeleteYep, works a treat whenever you can get away and you know the kids are safe! It's even more exciting when they're old enough to do a girls weekend away!
ReplyDelete