The Not Naughty Naughty Step

I think maybe I need to stop watching the news and reading the papers. Yet again there is another "study" and lots of "good advice" from the professionals. This time the latest and greatest concept in perfect parenting is that the Naughty Step shouldn't be called the Naughty Step!! Reason being that naming it that apparently shames and humiliates our children.......... You can't get around it by calling it a Naughty spot either, it doesn't matter where in the house it is, it just can't be called Naughty.

So for the sake of this discussion lets call it the Somewhere to Go When You're Not Listening to Mummy Step. I must admit I'm not a huge user of the Not to be Mentioned Step but I do use time outs in the exact same fashion. My aim is not to shame or humiliate my son but it's definitely to let him know he's misbehaving, OR being naughty!! Then the experts chime in again and say you shouldn't even call your child naughty, even if they have bitten the nose of another child or smeared poo from one side of their room to the other, naughty is not to be even whispered. We are however allowed to say that it is "naughty behaviour" as this will not harm or scar our children for life.

Maybe it's just me being a bad mother, again, but aren't we really splitting hairs. I'm sure we were all told we were naughty plenty of times and punished in some way or the other and hey look at us! Well maybe we're not all the best examples, but I definitely grew up knowing what was right and wrong and that there were consequences of doing the latter. Of all the things my parents did to me the worst was making me watch H.R. Puff N Stuff, which scared the life out of me and gave me a recurring nightmare that I even have sometimes now! My poor mother never knew and bears the guilt of that one today, but I've managed to avoid therapy over it and we laugh about it now.

Of course I'm not saying there aren't things to learn since we were kids and since the days when the kids got sent out to collect Mammoth teeth as punishment we have definitely fine tuned the act of parenting. BUT some things are used by alot of us because THEY WORK!! I just hope my kids don't grow up to tell me that watching the Wiggles gave them a fear of skivvies or big red cars.

So in my very own study, conducted in my little home of toddler 2.5 and baby 4 months, I have come up with some results too. I will happily publish them here for you to read, laugh at, ignore or even tsk at me over. When my child is "naughty" they know it and there are consequences for that behaviour. Of course being a toddler the lessons are not always learnt so quickly but he gets that there are rules and if you don't play by them, you miss out on things, like toys, playing or your favourite DVD, quite often by having a time out.

On the flip side my biggest and most obvious finding is that when kids are good and they are given praise for it they keep being good. This lesson is learnt a lot quicker by even my cheeky toddler and so in our day there is a lot more positive recognition than time outs. So for the 2 minutes here or there where he doesn't get to play and the other 10 or so hours in the day when he does, I think he'll turn out just fine and maybe even with fond memories of playing with his Mum and Dad.

But I bet you don't see the results of my study saying that loving your kids makes them grow up fairly happy and well adjusted in any news reel, or morning show anytime soon.

Let me know how you're parents scarred you or what tricks you have in taming your own toddler or kids.