Friday, January 29, 2010

I need more Mums in my life!!

Now I never would have thought I would be saying I need more people and more commitments in my life. I already struggle to see the friends I have and do what I need done, done. Not that I'm the worlds most popular person who has so many friends I can't keep up. It's just between the kids, the house, the hubby, the poo and the spew clean ups, I don't have a lot of spare time flying around.

I suppose what I'm after though is quality not quantity. Having just had bub number 2, so I'm an old pro, I wasn't offered the option of joining a mothers group. I avoided it partly because of the feeling of guilt of turning on my current group but I hear the same story from them. To be honest I didn't think I needed it or that I had time to fit it in to my life. WRONG!!

Now if you bought one car, say a Porsche (yeah I'm dreaming here) and then 2 years later you bought another one, you could expect that they would be pretty similar and you wouldn't have to read the manual again. In fact you might even get lucky and the second model might be even better than the first! I suppose looking back maybe I was a little delusional in thinking that kids might be a little like Porsches. Saying it out loud definitely makes it sound crazy. I really thought that baby number 2 would be pretty similar to the first one, of course just with a different personality, again, WRONG!

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Not only is baby 2 completely different, with all the lack of sleep and the 2 years that has passed, I can barely remember any of the milestones from the first time around. So I am pining for another Mothers Group, more Mum's who are at the same stage as me with their babies who I can compare notes with. Is it normal for my baby's poo to be this colour? Am I the only Mum who hasn't slept for 4 months?

With all the support, books, and advice out there, there is still only one true fountain of knowledge that can keep you sane and that is other Mum's. So if you're a Mum with a 4 and a half month old baby, and even better, a toddler as well. Share your woes and wonders with me, PLEASE!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Not Naughty Naughty Step

I think maybe I need to stop watching the news and reading the papers. Yet again there is another "study" and lots of "good advice" from the professionals. This time the latest and greatest concept in perfect parenting is that the Naughty Step shouldn't be called the Naughty Step!! Reason being that naming it that apparently shames and humiliates our children.......... You can't get around it by calling it a Naughty spot either, it doesn't matter where in the house it is, it just can't be called Naughty.

So for the sake of this discussion lets call it the Somewhere to Go When You're Not Listening to Mummy Step. I must admit I'm not a huge user of the Not to be Mentioned Step but I do use time outs in the exact same fashion. My aim is not to shame or humiliate my son but it's definitely to let him know he's misbehaving, OR being naughty!! Then the experts chime in again and say you shouldn't even call your child naughty, even if they have bitten the nose of another child or smeared poo from one side of their room to the other, naughty is not to be even whispered. We are however allowed to say that it is "naughty behaviour" as this will not harm or scar our children for life.

Maybe it's just me being a bad mother, again, but aren't we really splitting hairs. I'm sure we were all told we were naughty plenty of times and punished in some way or the other and hey look at us! Well maybe we're not all the best examples, but I definitely grew up knowing what was right and wrong and that there were consequences of doing the latter. Of all the things my parents did to me the worst was making me watch H.R. Puff N Stuff, which scared the life out of me and gave me a recurring nightmare that I even have sometimes now! My poor mother never knew and bears the guilt of that one today, but I've managed to avoid therapy over it and we laugh about it now.

Of course I'm not saying there aren't things to learn since we were kids and since the days when the kids got sent out to collect Mammoth teeth as punishment we have definitely fine tuned the act of parenting. BUT some things are used by alot of us because THEY WORK!! I just hope my kids don't grow up to tell me that watching the Wiggles gave them a fear of skivvies or big red cars.

So in my very own study, conducted in my little home of toddler 2.5 and baby 4 months, I have come up with some results too. I will happily publish them here for you to read, laugh at, ignore or even tsk at me over. When my child is "naughty" they know it and there are consequences for that behaviour. Of course being a toddler the lessons are not always learnt so quickly but he gets that there are rules and if you don't play by them, you miss out on things, like toys, playing or your favourite DVD, quite often by having a time out.

On the flip side my biggest and most obvious finding is that when kids are good and they are given praise for it they keep being good. This lesson is learnt a lot quicker by even my cheeky toddler and so in our day there is a lot more positive recognition than time outs. So for the 2 minutes here or there where he doesn't get to play and the other 10 or so hours in the day when he does, I think he'll turn out just fine and maybe even with fond memories of playing with his Mum and Dad.

But I bet you don't see the results of my study saying that loving your kids makes them grow up fairly happy and well adjusted in any news reel, or morning show anytime soon.

Let me know how you're parents scarred you or what tricks you have in taming your own toddler or kids.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Desperate Housewives serve up some home truths about Motherhood!!

It's worth watching the short ad at the start to see this one.




Friday, January 8, 2010

Your Breast Friend!

So the latest story for us to think about today is some Norwegian study has decided that formula is just as good as breast milk. A far cry from the ever popular saying "Breast is best!".

http://www.nursingtimes.net/nursing-practice-clinical-research/clinical-subjects/midwifery/baby-formula-as-good-as-breast-milk-claims-study/5010121.article

Breastfeeding -
Now I am in the midst of breastfeeding my 3 month old girl, my second baby, and I must admit I am feeling a huge pull towards the temptation of formula. Far from convince me that this was ok and I should go ahead and ween, this story actually put me back on the breast feeding band wagon. It wasn't the study but a doctor commenting on the findings who reminded me of a great benefit of breast feeding, the weight loss! Having just made my New Years resolution to lose 4kgs by Good Friday I can do with all the help I can get.

I have to be honest though and admit that the second time around I have considered the formula option so much sooner. For my first baby I loved breast feeding and I loved the time it gave me with my baby and the fact only I could do it. This time with a toddler to manage the feeding experience is much more chaotic at times and sometimes becomes yet another task I have to try and get done. If I could give bub a bottle and someone else could do it, wow what freedom I would have and how much easier it would be to do what I need to do.

Now don't get me wrong, when I say freedom, I don't mean freedom to go out partying or shopping or drinking, I mean freedom to do my housework or go grocery shopping or put my toddler on the toilet. Not to mention my boobs might come back from down around my knees to a little closer to where they started from!


I wouldn't say I feel guilty about these feelings but I do feel disappointed that I have them so early. With my first bub my milk ran out at 4 months and I was devastated. It's such a different experience and I didn't expect it to be this way.

Just the past few weeks we're used a few bottles of formula because we were worried bub wasn't getting enough due to sudden night waking and my inability to express much more than a shooter of milk! Thankfully after the craziness of Christmas and lots of change all has settled down and we are back to boob only.

For now though, not matter what any study or expert says I'm going to do my best to stick to Mother Nature and keep up the breast feeding for as long as I can. If there is a benefit then my baby will get it and it might just help me hit my weight loss goal too. Maybe just maybe I might even make the most of both worlds and sneak in the odd bottle of formula here and there to get just a little piece of freedom.

Most importantly I'm going to do what works for me and my family and do my best to ignore anyone else who thinks they have some important opinions on our choices.